Even if you don't know how...just pray

I have overcome many obstacles in my life. Before I knew God I thought that I was the sole reason for the accomplishments that I had made in my life, the battles I have fought and won in my life, and the success of my life. But one day that was all taken from me and I was left with nothing. I felt that I had lost the world and everything that I had obtained within it. The rags that were left behind weren't even valuable enough to trade for food and the nice vehicle I had owned sat daily in the driveway because I was unable to fill any gas. The cable was disconnected and the internet was turned off. I had already read every book in the house so there was no place to turn for a distraction. I would sit out on my back porch at 2AM watching the neighbors drink themselves silly and the dogs running around in the yards of neighbors. I felt that I couldn't live like this anymore... I had nothing left
Or so I felt
I was lying in bed one night and picked up a the Holy Bible that was given to me by a friend that had purchased herself a new one. It was...at least...the only book that I hadn't read in the house. I opened up to the beginning... only to find the beginning of my life. I became so wrapped up in the entertainment that the stories of the old testament provided, I noticed that in my days I would ask friends and family "did you know" facts about the stories that I had become so flattered with. There was no conversation that I would have that I wouldn't at least relate to a situation to one of that in the Old testament... 
Then my life began to invade my peace that I had found in these stories. I had to again fight, argue, cry, and soon after, fade into another sea of darkness. I was so tired and irritated that I just slept... I medicated... and just slept. Then one night... I was so irritated, I picked up the Bible and threw it across the room. I fell to my knees and just started arguing with this "supposed" God. This argument lasted until I was so exhausted from the amount of tears that I had spent in the time of this apparent breakdown. I sat down on the floor and leaned against the base of the sofa... Although nothing had changed, I felt at peace. I began to pray... but who was I fooling... I didn't know how. I would just mumble words and occasionally feel stupid for "possibly" talking to myself... If God was really there, he was probably so eager to see me push through... Apparently, he was only waiting... and he was about to give me a gift that I could never have imagined.
As I continued to pray, just telling God about my problems, my flaws, and my life... I realized I was unfolding issues all the way back to childhood. I didn't even know that some of these things were even bothering me. I put on some music for a while and just sat in silence as it played, I did feel that there was someone listening to me... and I felt that someone had heard me. 
The song I was playing was by Briana Babineaux, Jacob's song... this song ministered me into a Spirit that I would not understand until a year later. I lied down on the floor face down...turned up the music so that I could not hear myself speak. I continued to pray...and pray...and pray... until I was no longer praying in words that I could understand. Although, the music was loud, I became louder and began to cry out. I continued to pray speaking in words that I was still unable to comprehend. But my soul felt strengthened, I began to feel light on my feet, I brought myself up onto my knees and continued to pray... Then I just begun to thank God for showing himself to me and blessing me with the filling of the Holy Spirit and what I now know was the gift of  speaking in tongues This was my first step into a kingdom that would change my life forever...

I pray this blesses you.. we all must start somewhere and in the right moment, you will know when your life will never be the same

Even if you don't know how...just pray


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